Zzzzzzzzzzz...

I'm tired (yawn) You can't blame me, it is a Monday. It was probably Rock Challenge (dance competition) last week. People were saying that I was putting a lot of energy into it. I guess I didn't realise just how much until now...

I had a Maths exam today (a real GCSE module). Maths is supposed to be my best subject but I'm sure I've failed that exam and everyone else in my class thinks they need to resit as well. Okay, so the lowest I'll probably get is a B (you could only get an A*, A, B or U on that module btw) but still that's quite bad for someone in the top set, well according to my Dad.

Have you ever noticed how parents can get pretty hard on you when you reach the "life changing exam" stage but neglect you (or at least it seems that way to me since my Dad has suddenly put quite a lot of pressure on me for GCSEs) when your doing the "smaller" exams like SATs.

I understand that my parents can worry about me and my future and my parents have told me that they don't want me to experience the gnawing feeling of disappointment if I don't get the grades I think I deserve. It's just sometimes it feels like they think that I'm unable to do it by myself without them having to tell me every few seconds. I will be 16 soon - I'm practically an adult. Just because my 10 year-old brother has to be told all the time to do simple things like comb his hair, do his homework and brush his teeth before he goes to bed (I know, it's disgusting) doesn't mean that I'm like that as well.

I'm finally starting to fit in more in school and make more friends since Rock Challenge. I mean I'm not a loner, there are people I talk to and get along with it's just that my shyness has kind of got in the way of making real friends. I did have friends in Year 7 and 8 but in Year 9 my shyness got so bad that I couldn't even talk to my friends. When I did talk to them they sometimes laughed at what I said because it was kind of a random, "last chance" outburst. The laughing made my confidence lessen even more until eventually I was just a tag-a-long. I could sense that they didn't want me around anymore but I wanted to wait until they said it to my face. They were my friends they owed me that much right? Wrong. I eventually started to go around on my own which was awkward at first but I got used to it in Year 10 I guess...

Now that I'm in Year 11 now (last year until I go to college which is the same as junior and senior year in High school for any Americans out there) I want to make more friends and have happier memories of my life in my secondary school.